There is a song by Regina Spektor that I love and can't remember the name of except for I sing the verse about putting the love you made into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood and walking arm in arm you hope it don't get hard if even if it does you would do it all again...OK, now that I'm signing it in my head I think the name is "On the Radio";but, I thought about that song while felting the spirals.
I think about my sweet Claire and my sweet little yet to be born Charlie and how they have our hearts in their hearts pumping their blood...and I think about my little lovely that was only around for a few weeks when I miscarried in September and how I'd still do it all again... And how I was hoping so much to be able to have another baby since about 2005 and was not really wanting to jump in and get my heart broken;but, I was willing to be open to the possibility. And how when I came home from my aunt's funeral in 2006 and told my husband I wanted more babies, he said he didn't think that after Katrina and my grandma's and aunt's death was really a good time to make a major life decision. And how he was right and I didn't even know I had a brain tumor at the time. And how years later when my brain tumor doctor asked if I was prepared to possibly not have any more children ever again, I started to weep. And how my daughter started praying each night to be a big sister because she asked me for a baby and I told her that she needed to talk to God about it because I couldn't do anything about it and so she did... each night faithfully praying out loud to be a big sister and it would make my heart hurt because I really didn't think it would happen. And how my cycle finally returned after 5 years and by then my husband was willing to take a chance and leave it up to God and just how blessed I really am....and how really little faith I have;but, God comes through anyway and how His timing is really perfect....And how, as my daughter Claire says, "my belly is getting bigger and Charlie is getting stronger" and how in just a few weeks I'll get to meet him! YEA!