Willingness and Warly

Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 35

The willingness to give up my pride and self-will to a Power greater than myself has proved to be the only ingredient absolutely necessary to solve all of my problems today. Even the smallest amount of willingness, if sincere, is sufficient to allow God to enter and take control over my problem, pain, or obsession. My level of comfort is in direct relation to the degree of willingness I possess at any given moment to give up my self-will, and allow God’s will to be manifested in my life. With the key of willingness, my worries and fears are powerfully transformed into serenity.


This was the topic at a recent meeting. While it was being read, I instantly thought of my son, Charlie "Warly" who is seven months old. Shortly before he came into our lives I told God that I was willing to do whatever He wanted in regards to me having more childern or not. I told Him that I had no idea what His will was for me and I would do whatever it was. If that was to have more children that would be great;but, I was going to need a lot of help from Him and if I was to be the mom of sweet little Claire and she was to be an only child that that was OK too and that I’d still need a lot of help from Him. I really had no idea what I was to do. I’m a planner and I never have been able to plan children. I know God is funny that way!


With my daughter we tried all kinds of things including infertility treatments and adoption applications and had decided that God wanted us to be happy without children and then…SURPRISE! A sweet baby girl!


After her birth, I wasn’t sure if I could have more children and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to or should. Part of me was afraid to get my hopes up again and part of me was afraid of beeing greedy or messing up what I already had. There also was an unexpected brain tumor and surgery thrown in there as well. So after years of thinking and figuring and praying and wondering I got to the point where after a yoga class one day I was lying on my back on the floor feeling the sun on my body looking at the clouds and I just said, “I’m willing! Whatever it is Lord, I’ll do it;but, please help me out as you know more than I that I have no idea what I’m doing and I will need a lot of help!”


A few months and one miscarraige later, I was pregnant again and my baby boy was born in July of this past year. So Charlie is all about willingness to me. My worries and fears were powerfully transformed allowing God’s will to be manifested in my life.

April is DONE! WHOO-HOO!!

Thanks to a wonderful day camp for my daughter, I was able to finish up my April Journal quilt. YIPPEE!!! I ended up machine needle felting a large spiral on the piece that I hadn't originally planned on;but, it needed something more and I have a Baby Lock Embellisher that I hardly use and I love spirals...so there you go. It has a spiral...kinda goes with the baby theme...big spiral into little spiral...little spiral into big spiral....

There is a song by Regina Spektor that I love and can't remember the name of except for I sing the verse about putting the love you made into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood and walking arm in arm you hope it don't get hard if even if it does you would do it all again...OK, now that I'm signing it in my head I think the name is "On the Radio";but, I thought about that song while felting the spirals.

I think about my sweet Claire and my sweet little yet to be born Charlie and how they have our hearts in their hearts pumping their blood...and I think about my little lovely that was only around for a few weeks when I miscarried in September and how I'd still do it all again... And how I was hoping so much to be able to have another baby since about 2005 and was not really wanting to jump in and get my heart broken;but, I was willing to be open to the possibility. And how when I came home from my aunt's funeral in 2006 and told my husband I wanted more babies, he said he didn't think that after Katrina and my grandma's and aunt's death was really a good time to make a major life decision. And how he was right and I didn't even know I had a brain tumor at the time. And how years later when my brain tumor doctor asked if I was prepared to possibly not have any more children ever again, I started to weep. And how my daughter started praying each night to be a big sister because she asked me for a baby and I told her that she needed to talk to God about it because I couldn't do anything about it and so she did... each night faithfully praying out loud to be a big sister and it would make my heart hurt because I really didn't think it would happen. And how my cycle finally returned after 5 years and by then my husband was willing to take a chance and leave it up to God and just how blessed I really am....and how really little faith I have;but, God comes through anyway and how His timing is really perfect....And how, as my daughter Claire says, "my belly is getting bigger and Charlie is getting stronger" and how in just a few weeks I'll get to meet him! YEA!